After the love has gone

Have you ever had one of those surreal moment - that "woulda, shoulda, coulda" moments goes fleeting by and you realise that even though there is sorrow, you know categorically you did the right thing?

I call it the continual ending, coming to the closure. That tipping point, just when you get to the final stages of a relationship but it's not quite done.

The flirty texts, the odd email here and there and even a few conjugal visits that feel great initially.

Ah yes the sex.

It satisfies a need of not going anywhere else, it feels safe but it can also bring to the surface emotions you may not want to revisit. It is dangerous territory that you need to be careful of when treading here. It brings to the surface a whole bunch of questions:

"Do I really want more?"

"Wasn't the reason it ended valid?”

“Why dig up old feelings"?

"Should I go there again"?

And then you suddenly catch yourself as you begin to remember all of the things that made you fall out of love. The discord, the lonely nights and perhaps the unanswered questions to your concerns and maybe fears that were never addressed.

If you decide to go in this direction, it takes a strong minded person to have the ability to compartmentalize and separate the sex from the emotion so as not take it out of context. It is also important to have a dialogue with your now lover about expectations. Managing them is key, as the last thing you need is one party wanting more and the other less.

Be clear with your intentions, to avoid additional hurt and disappointment. That way all parties can have fun during the transition through the last days of the relationship.

Again be careful with your actions. In the words of Earth, Wind and Fire, sometimes "after the love is gone, what used to be right is wrong".

Unfortunately, we often find this out when it's too late.