Giving up your right to change your partner

Remaining in a loving and committed relationship takes work. It's the same as having another job that you have to work at every day. And like your other relationships things change over time. Upon reflection, you knew that there was more than physical attraction, as there was obviously more than one thing you found exciting or enticing about the other person. Be it their sense of style, their intelligence, their sense of humour - something drew you in and made you say - "I need to get me some of that"!

But as time went on, the honeymoon period is over and little irritations begin to peek to the forefront you have to speak up. You can't wait until you have a sum of annoyances and dislikes and then deliver them like a download of Beyoncé's latest album. It just doesn't work.

Five years in, you are unhappy about your partners weight gain, their lack of taste in clothes, they’re hairstyle, their nonchalant attitude towards the bills, or their tardiness. Pick one and I'm sure you can relate. And for every problem there is a solution - in this case it's probably - to try to change your partner. The question is should you give up your right to change your partner?

In the beginning, you gladly accepted them with all of their faults and over time defaulted I can change that part. You may have even encouraged or condoned certain behaviours over the years? What to do?

Well, it's sort of like buying a box of cereal. It is what it is, you can't change the packaging or the contents but you can try to enhance it and maybe make it more appealing. This is the approach you may want to take. Invite your partner to see what you see. Show them how it will benefit them as well as you to make some tweaks. Even make some suggestions but always come from a position of love and not resent because by that time it will have been too late. It's all in the delivery!

Remember you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make him drink it.